Snow...

New Year Resolution 2008

long time nv blog le.. doesnt mean i dun haf a life.. i do.. but both sweet and sour... so much to say but jus cant seem to put that into words.. life is tough, a sweet and painful burden.. how i wish i was a baby again, with lots of pple's love and so carefree..

stress is everywhere.. be it u r a student, or working adult, a parent, or a grandma/grandpa... but frm the stage of turning into an adult frm student is hard! have to really change ur mentality, to grow up and importantly to survive.. really dont know how come my life is so greyish.. mayb i was thinking too much..

shall not be so depressed... sld write abt my plans for the following yr...

i was once a kid, a spoilt & pampered princess at hm, a student...

Now... im going to be a teacher, a chinese teacher...

a pity that i will only graduate with a Diploma in education and i must serve a 5 yr bond.. my 5 yrs of youth given to moe!!! haiz..
until then i will be ard 26 le.. thats so old lo.. 26 yrs old, just a diploma holder.. i dun want!!

so i intend to do a part time degree within the 5 yr bond.. must fully utilise the time..

Here's my plan:

1. July 08 register for my BA in chi literature course at SIM (its a 4 yr course, damn long)

2. To pay up my sch fees at SIM, i guess i have to work part time as a tutor too.. Take up more tuition assignments and earn money..

3. Other than working, i will save up more.. cut down on buying clothes and other things..

Wishlist for the yr 2008:

1. to be with my loved ones during my 21st birthday

2. a taiwan trip at the end of the yr with margaurite and all

3. shopping vochers

4. new lap top

5. more energy for me to work through my plan.. bless me..

ho ho ho..

this the season to be jolly, fa la la la la....

lol, christmas season is round the corner, haha still nt in the mood although had done a lot of shopping trips.. muahaha...

haiz dun feel like blogging nowadays, been rotting and slacking.. haha though i do go out for pool, shopping and coffee.. haha..

finally got my HTC Touch phone.. very nice design and great functions, just love it..

nthing much, waiting for my bonus to come and attending my friend Nora's wedding on 9dec 2007.. hope that u will be blessed and stay happy always!! congrats!!

P/S: u brighten my day with your concern and sms..

slack-ing

nthing happening in my life, same old routine everyday, everything is jus so sian.. have been thinking alot, but cant seem to comprehend what i wan.. anyway some1 sms me yesterday, check on how is my life etc.. glad to receive to your sms..

yesterday went over to Angie (NIE classmate) hse to play mahjong.. haha she stays at sengkang lo, i went over from bukit panjang.. haha.. the session was fun, enjoyable.. looking forward to next session..

dun want to talk.. thats all..

how well do you know me?

im jus curious how well does my friends know me? if you are free, try the test..

http://www.truefriendtest.com/friendtest/1093190

sian-sa-tion

lol, super bored, having lecture now but obviously i din pay attention and listen in class cos im BLOGGING now.. haha..

whatever Cloud has to say is sleeping tune to me, cant make it man, i really wanna to slp... everytime he talks, im feel so stress out and will yawn.. his lesson is jus so boring..

anyway, i also wake up very early today, suppose to reach sch ard 7.30 to 7.45am for my DED 200 topic 5 "Passion to teach" presentation dryrun.. haha i took cab in the end as i really tired and cant wake up that early to take bus..

the presentation is something very inspirational, im touched.. especially after watching the video named "Make A Difference".. u can watch the movie (ard 8 mins) at this website www.makeadifference.com try it and u wun regret..

i mus thanks my kor for helping me to download the movie and coverting it to windows media file form so that i can play in sch during my presentation... btw,i think my teacher likes our presentation, cheers to our success!!! haha another proj down, im drained.. tired..

PS: last sat went out with marg and glen to celebrate glen's bday, was fun and the food we ate was nice.. can try out at Sakae Taepanyaki restaurant at cineleisure... i will post up the pictures and the food rating once i have the time.. lol.. mind you hor im in a lecture lesson now.. haha.. if can i oso wish to skip class..
oh yah, i bought new skincare frm Missha.. the BB cream.. a 4 in 1 skincare, can tone skin colour too, jus use not long ago but my verdict for it is 7.5/10.. quality with moderate price so its worth a try.. u can ask me for more info on it..

lol thats all bah, lesson ending soon, i wan go hm slp, need to do assignment during night time, sob... work work work... tired!! i wan my holidays to come... (waiting for it) :(

jus pictures

haha, jus feel like posting pics.. anyway haf a slight change in dressing nowadays.. tend to start to have more colours other than black.. nw im starting to wear some white, haha.. and if u notice, im wearing shorts!! this is a major change lo, last time dun wear shorts de, think is b cos nw i slim down a bit le nw that fatty so can wear, haha, i mus jia you and cut down my fats!!

Shower test

When you step into a shower, which part of the body do you wash first?

Please select a body first?

A. Chest
B. Face
C. Armpits
D. Hair (My choice)
E. Privates
F. Shoulders
G. Others




Now Scroll Down To See What Your Answer Means.







A. Chest:
You are a practical person. Straightforward and do not beat around
the bush. To you, convenience is of paramount importance. You hate to
be distracted when concentrating and are impatient with people who
do not see things your way. A good sex partner and willing to try new
things. Your best partner in life will be those who choose D (Hair).


B. Face:
Money is important to you and you will do anything to get it.
Integrity and dignity is not important. You feel that friends are
there to be used and life is one big hassle. Other people find it hard
to understand you, but you are not concerned as to what they think.
Very self-centered person. Average sex partner as too selfish and
tend to be absorbed in self pleasure at the expense of your partner.
Your best partner in life will be those who choose E (Privates)
and G (Others).


C. Armpits:
You are a dependable and hard working person. Generally very
popular person as you are very down to earth and willing to help
others. Tend to get yourself into trouble as you cannot tell whether
people are genuine towards you. Make very poor sex partners as you
are the working type with average talent. Your best partner in life
will be those who choose F (Shoulders).


D. Hair:
Artistic type. Daydreaming is your hobby, but you can achieve what
most other people cannot. Dedication is lacking, but you will work
tirelessly towards goals which are to your liking. Money is not
important. Friends are but only intellectuals and fellow artistic
types. Make the best sex partners as you are most willing to explore
and please ther other partner. Talent is your main strength. Your best
partner in life will be those who chose A (Chest) and E (Privates).


E. Privates:
Shy type. You lack self confidence and tend to be bullied by others.
You do not have lots of friends as others find you boring and
unattractive. Perserverance is not your strength and you tend to give
up easily and at the first opportunity. However, you make an above
average sex partner. You are able to show your true emotions to very
few people. Hence in sex, you find your inner strengths. Your best
sex partner in life will be those who choose B (Face) and D (Hair).


F. Shoulder:
A born loser. You fail in everything that you do. People dislike you
and you tend to spend your time alone. Your type have been known to
be heavy gamblers and drinkers. You see the world as a livin hell.
Money and power is also important to you. But your luck will always
fail you. You make a lousy sex partner. You will find it difficult to
find a partner in life. Those who choose C (Armpits) are your
only chance.


G. Others:
You are a very average person. Undoubtedly, you have your inner
strengths, but people find it hard to see. You must learn to be a little
bit more adventurous and see your potential. Deep down, you are very
likeable person with very few faults. However, the key will be to
make your strengts stand out and not just hide you weaknessess. You
are an average sex partner. You have great fantasies about different
techniques, but unfortunately are not brave enough to try them out.
Your best partner in life will be those who choose B (Face).

Interesting.. Excited

was jus surfing the net when i saw something interesting that caught my eye..

The movie Saw 4 is coming up soon on 26 Oct 07 worldwide.. which means i can see it in singapore.. well guess it sld be R21 too, but no prob, think i can enter.. haha..

Im so excited.. i wanna go watch!! haha.. hopefully it will be as good as Saw 3.. i wan blood!!

Im thirsty for blood nw.. i will wait.. Saw 4!!

Meanwhile i found this 4 min trailer on this website.. haha after watching im even more excited.. expecting some good stuff in oct.. haha.. the blood jus satisfy my soul.. muahaha...

if u love blood like me, go to this website and haf some fun 1st... wahaha..

http://view.break.com/346309

Lunch meeting & Drinking @ Balcony

had a lunch meeting with nie clique -- Fangyi, Xinyu, Nicole & Millie. we went Coca steamboat @ Takashimaya for lunch, had their steamboat buffet.. haha we r like eat n eat, so full after the meal.. lol.. its been sometime since i ate so much food le, cos nowadays nt much appetite, keep eating fruits n drink water only.. so it is also gd lah at least i eat something nice today..

chat over lunch with them.. jus all those gossips lo, nthing much.

after lunch, nicole bring xinyu, fangyi and me over to paragon's Fitness First to help her sis to reach her quota for this mth. jus there to listen to a talk then walk ard the fitness centre/gym. hmm, nicole's sis offer us something good, at least the pricing is cheaper than Amore/California fitness etc.. if we join we will get special rates. Actually im tempted to join after seeing the place their facilities and stuff..

But then the problem here is that whether i haf the time to commit or not and of cos the monthly payment. because its at paragon, so if im having sch or doing assignments i may nt go down often, so i mayb wasting money if i join.. secondly, mthly i haf to pay $113 for unlimited usage of the gym/sauna/steam rm/all training courses.. so the money is one issue here, cos my mthly usage quite xiong liao, then haf a lot of other commitments so forking out $113 is like a bit heartache to do so.. (as i intend to study my part time degree, i haf to save up a bit oso lah).. if i fully utilised the $113 then im fine, but sometimes i wonder will i be able to really go there 2 to 3 times per wk.. i rather use the money for movies, pool, shopping or even save up!

im tempted, will give it a thought after wed.. cos nic's sis is giving the 3 of us complimentry passes on wed to try out their facilities for a day, so i will decide after trying out.. but i can say the chances of me joining is nt that high unless i really find it so gd on wed..

after all the talk and "tour", it is abt 6pm le (time flies man!).. I will be joining fangyi and her friend sam for dinner and a drink at Balcony.. haha sam 就是那个走路带风的朋友...　哈哈！(the nickname is given by millie)　很期待和她的初次见面哦。听说了太多她的故事。

we had a quick bite at Spinelli.. i had earl grey n oreo cheesecake there.. it seems funny that we had some common topics to chat on, despite the fact that it is our first meeting.. well i feel that it is something good, at least we would not feel strange or uncomfortable lo, dun haf the "stranger" feel.. haha..

then we went over Balcony to haf a drink.. well for me its the same lah, i order volka everytime.. since i only like hard liquer, so there is limited choices for me and i prefer chivas or volka more than other wine.. Fangyi had "Bellini"--a peach liquer with champagne.. i like this wine though its strong but i like the taste.. Sam had "Cosmopolitan", think its a cocktail with cranberry juice.. the taste oso quite nice.. haha next time if i go there, i haf 2 more choices of cocktail to order..

we jus chat n chilled out over there.. had fun..

anyway i went hm early as i promised mum to be home by 10pm.. (been going out too often le.. lol)

a busy week..

well, cant say im very busy with my stuff lah jus that mayb gt quite a number of things to do.. arrg whatever.. other than sch assignment, i haf to go to KKH for check ups and stuff.. ok i admit that i also went out a few times for movies, life is so boring so at least i mus haf some entertainment..

back to the topic of me going KKH for checkups.. dear friends, not to worry ya, im still fine, nthing is wrong with me im jus going for a routine checkup..

reason of me going to KKH is because i haf been having problems of irregular periods/menses. at first it din bother me to go for checkups cos i dun feel anything and i can slp n work well, so i think jus the hormones prob. then recently my menses oso irregular lah nt every mth will come, but then the prob nw is that the menses came but the blood dun flow out.. something like the blood is stuck in there.. tough to explain in words lah, so i decide to seek help frm doctors..

so i was refered to KKH for specialise consultation. then the doc say mus run some tests to find out the prob. 1st thing on the list is blood test.. i think im a brave girl yah, going to KKH alone and do all the test needed alone.. well i dun wan my mum to worry too much before anything is concrete.. the blood test cause me a little pain, nw the part is bruise. sob. in oct i need to go for some scans and then i will see the doc. so troublesome.. haiz..

nvm thank god that im cheerful.. so i haf well planned entertainment..

went to watch 2 movies in a week.. The Bourne Ultimatum & Ratatouille

both movies are nice and recommended by me.. haha.. think its worth the price to watch it.. go for it friends..

Enjoy the Present..

Just had a chat with Jun hua.. a very fruitful chat.. guess i haf been thinking too much.. 我想我是庸人自扰...

we chat abt being a teacher, teaching, career advancement, some life problems that one may face, adapting new changes.. etc

im afraid, im scare of new environment, especially when u know something u r going into its a cold environment.. i hate the feeling of being a newbie, but thats what every1 will face one day..

===================================================================

Yes we need to plan for the future

but do not overlook the PRESENT!

Enjoy the present

Enjoy the moment

Enjoy what you have now

Because you won't have them next time

Live for the PRESENT!

Not the past or future

===================================================================

i haf clearly thoughts after the chat.. i will think into it..

anyway a million thanks to jun hua.. no matter what.. Thanks! =)

。。。 你。的。愛。讓。人。窒。息。嗎 。。。

常常有很多人在做心理測驗時，會刻意地符合選擇社會期待的答案，殊不知這種自欺欺人的選擇方式無法改善你的任何缺點，也無法掩蓋別人對你真正的想法。人不是十全十美的，發覺自己有某方面的傾向時，如果你不想要，可以試著去修正他喔~~請注意，我說的是修正，而不是改正。一個人太完美反而會令人覺得高不可攀，甚至失去本來應有的特色，一個人有自己的特色風格而非去學誰誰誰，那才是最重要的。


1. 約會時，對方若遲到多久妳會生氣呢？
A:跟我約會怎麼可以遲到？當然要比我先到才行，遲到一分鐘都不行！
B:遲到沒關係，但是等他到了會抱怨一下 [xin]
C:只要他遲到，就拼命call他，追問原因與行蹤
D:默默的等他，直到他來為止
E:無所謂，反正我也常遲到，所以他遲到多久都沒關係

2. 妳生日時，希望對方送什麼禮物給妳呢？
A: 要送我喜歡的才可以
B:不論什麼都可以，心意到就好了
C:越貴的越好，表示他在意我的程度越高
D:不能太差也不需要很好，但不可不送 [xin]虽然是一份心意，但是还是得实际。
E:賺錢辛苦，不用送了

3. 如果他在妳面前稱讚別的女孩，妳的反應是...？
A:跟他表明不喜歡這樣
B:留意他所稱讚的女孩類型，努力成為那類型的女孩
C:質問他是否較喜歡她，一定要問個明白
D:沒什麼感覺
E:也讚美別人，讓他也嘗到這種不好受的感覺 [xin]以其人之道还治其人之身。哈哈。

4. 如果他因為工作的緣故要到國外１年，妳的反應是...？
A:不能去，去了你就死定了！
B:口頭上雖然贊成，但內心卻懷疑他是否別有目的
C:想盡方法一起到國外
D:無所謂，只要常聯絡就好 [xin]科技发达，而且我相信他。这也是爱情的考验。
E:沒關係，工作比較重要

5. 妳覺得約會時的花費需由誰付帳呢？
A:誰付帳都不在意
B:看他的態度，若他要付就付，不付再分開付帳
C:輪流付帳
D:全部由他付，這是約會時，男生應有的禮貌 [xin]我还是很“传统”的。
E:順其自然

6. 妳對於甜言蜜語的看法？
A:他如果不說，妳就很沒有安全感，懷疑他是不是不夠愛妳
B:這是愛情中絕對需要的元素，希望他常常說
C:妳自己常說，所以希望對方也一樣
D:可有可無，當然有最好了 [xin]太肉麻我不能接受，偶尔一点才有情趣。
E:那並不是很實際，無所謂

7. 是否會干涉對方的穿著打扮？
A:會明白地要對方打扮成自己喜歡的樣子，
B:他穿什麼都可以，好看就好了 [xin]每个人都有自己的风格。
C:不在意他的打扮
D:不會主動干涉，但會透露自己的想法
E:乾脆跟他去買衣服，挑選自己喜歡的

8. 如果對方有約會或應酬，妳是否會跟去呢？
A:雖然不會跟著去，但會問他去後的感覺、發生的事情
B:怎麼可以不去呢？當然要去囉！順便監視他。
C:心裡也想去，但還是看他的決定。
D:跟他說自己也想去
E:不想跟著去，反正他也有自己的交友圈　[xin]

9. 對於對方過去的戀情是否會在意？
A:不是很關心有關對方過去戀情的事
B:過去的已經過去了，現在的才是最重要的。 [xin]
C:追根究柢要他從實招來。
D:雖然會有點在意，但還是會讓自己釋懷
E:連提都不能提，提到馬上翻臉

10. 是否會在意他有些事不告訴妳，只跟朋友說？
A:有事情怎麼可以不讓我知道，他是不是忘了誰是他女朋友!?
B:會介意，問他為什麼不說。
C:把不滿表現出來，讓他知道妳會在意。 [xin]如果爱我，请对我坦白。
D:說不說無所謂。
E:他不說一定有他的理由，不會干涉。

11. 兩人意見不和時的處理態度？
A:看情形，視狀況而定 [xin]
B:當然是他先低頭囉
C:冷戰，看誰先低頭
D:不喜歡這樣，所以會主動示好
E:怎麼樣都無所謂

12. 聖誕節即將來臨，希望如何度過？
A:很早很早前，就主動說要他一起過，也不許他說不
B:一定要去浪漫的餐廳度過
C:兩人在一起，去哪裡都可以 [xin]
D:比較想跟朋友家人一起過
E:無所謂，都可以

13. 交往很久了，對方一直沒有提去見他家人的事，妳會怎麼做？
A:他大概不是非常喜歡自己吧！心裡很懷疑，不是很舒服
B:質問對方為何都不帶自己去見他家人
C:無所謂，不在意
D:主動提出去他家拜訪的事
E:順其自然，不過問 [xin]勉强没幸福。

14. 他做什麼事會讓妳最生氣？
A:上網和其他女生聊天
B:不主動聯絡，忽略了妳
C:被搭訕時來者不拒
D:說謊 [xin]我很介意这个。
E:粗言粗語

15. 天氣很冷，肚子很餓卻不想出去買東西時，妳會...
A:要他去買，不買就忍著不吃
B:一起去買
C:問他要不要去買，不買就發脾氣
D:看他要不要去買，不要就自己去買 [xin]随意。
E:誰去買都可以

16. 如果他對妳的穿著打扮有意見時，妳會...
A:不高興，覺得他不夠愛自己
B:迎合他的喜好
C:問他為什麼不喜歡
D:這就是我，不想做改變 [xin]爱屋及乌。而且我对自己的穿着很有信心。
E:隨便都可以

17. 會不會打電話詢問對方行蹤？
A:直接要他打電話主動回報
B:有事時，偶爾才打。 [xin]他也需要隐私。
C:當然會，想到就打
D:懷疑他的行蹤時，才會刻意打
E:從來不打

18. 當妳發現他的行動電話中，妳的設定不是心愛的人的顏色時，妳會...？
A:酸溜溜地質問他，那到底誰才是他心愛的人？
B:心裡不太高興，但裝作若無其事 [xin]哪我到底在他心中的什么位置？
C:直接拿過他的電話，替他設定
D:直接問他為什麼
E:沒什麼感覺

19. 妳最同意下面哪一句話？
A:情人眼裡容不下一粒砂
B:愛是全心全意的付出
C:世上沒有永恆的真愛 [xin]现实是残酷的。人应该实际一点。
D:愛情能克服一切
E:麵包比愛情重要

20. 妳認為自己是那類型的情人？
A:醋罈子一個
B:自我意見優先型
C:令人憐惜型
D:溫柔婉約型
E:不受拘束型　[xin]


你的愛情窒息度 36.25 %

戀愛中的妳，當然是很認真的。有時候妳會想完全佔有情人，有時候又覺得應該放牛吃草，常常反反覆覆的。其實，妳可以再放輕鬆一點，留給彼此更多空間，相信如此你們相處起來會更自在、愉快。

。。。深。刻。的。前。世。愛。情。記。憶。。。

1. 相信命運之說？是 → 前進 2否 → 前進 3 ［是］


2. 喜歡恐怖片勝於愛情文藝片？是 → 前進 4否 → 前進 5 　［是］　　


3. 即使被不喜歡的異性盯著瞧，也會心跳不已?是 → 前進 6否 → 前進 7


4. 喜歡迷你裙勝於牛仔褲?是 → 前進 8否 → 前進 9 　［是］


5. 覺得自己容易陷入戀愛? 是 → 前進 9否 → 前進 10


6. 想當模特兒或演員? 是 → 前進 11否 → 前進 12


7. 即使是休假日也穿制服出門? 是 → 前進 11否 → 前進 13


8. 已有過初吻? 是 → 前進 14否 → 前進 15　［否。意外吧，其实我是一个不容易相信人的女人］


9. 曾寄過情書? 是 → 前進 16否 → 前進 13


10. 情人節只和心上人共度? 是 → 前進 17否 → 前進 18


11. 即使喜歡的男孩己有女友，你仍會採取行動?是 → 前進 18否 → 前進 19


12. 覺得談戀愛很麻煩?是 → 前進 13否 → 前進 17


13. 即使對喜歡的男孩也態度冷漠?是 → 前進 B否 → 前進 E


14. 即使不是喜歡的類型，先交往再說?是 → 前進 F否 → 前進 C


15. 總覺得朋友的男友帥?是 → 前進 D否 → 前進 A 　［否］


16. 雖已有男友，但仍會愛上別人?是 → 前進 18否 → 前進 13


17. 
    紅、紫、粉紅三色中，喜歡紅色?是 → 前進 C否 → 前進 D


18. 經常一見鍾情?是 → 前進 E否 → 前進 B


19. 想談個充滿戲劇性的戀愛?是 → 前進 A否 → 前進 B

我是A型。对我而言，这个测试很准。你呢？试试看吧。。。

各類型分析：

A: 熱情宿命的戀情記憶你在前世是一位熱情的大戀愛家。即使彼此門戶不相當或受同遭人反對，你仍是堅持你的愛情。所以在今世裡，你的愛情會充滿阻撓，對於憧憬卻得不到的人，你也認為「或許就是命中註定的伴侶」，而不顧一切地對他展開追求。 你相信命運，崇拜轟轟烈烈的戀情，認為一旦相愛，所有的問題都不是難題。你深信在這世界上，一定有個人會將你捧在手心上，給你無微不至的呵護。你相信他定會出現，純真的愛情是存在的。

B: 冷靜謹慎的戀情記憶在前世裡，你和戀愛似乎沒什麼緣份，總是以朋友、興趣為優先。就算有喜歡的對象，也僅只於單戀或朋友的關係。你的自信心強，又在意別人的眼光，很怕失戀讓人知道而丟臉，所以總是不敢接受愛情。 因此在今世裡，即使有喜歡的人，你也是與之保持距離、冷靜地交往、尊重彼此的自由，覺得這種自立的感情很好。雖然自我拘束很多，但你相信一定可以等到一位值得你尊敬、 知識淵博的體貼對象出現。

C: 激情爭奪的戀情記憶在前世裡，你總是喜歡上有婦之夫，並且有強烈搶奪的意願。 在不知不覺中走上愛情的不歸路，成為破壞人家婚姻的第三者。所以在今世裡，你對別人的東西都有種很強的佔有慾，只要是別人的東西，就能燃起你的熱情。你的愛情是相當任性的，但是在戀愛過程中你卻能營造的充實且多彩多姿。 即使知道這是一場沒有結果的愛戀，你還是奉上滿腔的熱情，像浴火鳳凰般地勇往直前，義無反顧。你追求的只是幸福過程，而不是愛情的結果 。

D: 柏拉圖式的戀情記憶你在前世裡總是愛上得不到的人，譬如是和自己生活在完全不同世界的人，只要能遠遠地看著他，你就覺得心滿意足。你渴望的是完美清純的伯拉圖式愛情。 所以在今世裡，你總是幻想　自己是小說或電影中的女主角，非常嚮往這樣的愛情。因此對在你身邊的男孩是不屑一顧，難以激起愛的種芽。你應該現實些，多去接觸周遭的異性，總有一天可以找到心目中理想對象，營造你想要的王子與公主的快樂生活，但有時候還是要現實些，期待不要太高。

E: 八面玲瓏的戀情記憶 你在前世裡是位很有緣的女孩。你不需太努力，憑著你八面玲瓏的社交手腕，自可吸引男人敗倒在你石榴裙下，總是你在挑人，而不是人在挑你。所以在今世裡，你喜歡被人奉承，若那個男孩子不懂討你歡心，你就會覺得他無趣而被你三振出局。你算是戀愛高手，你可以同時和多人談戀愛，把每個對象弄的服服貼貼，愛情維持的生命都很短，因為你覺得和不同的人談戀愛，可以讓自己更有魅力。

F: 同情或母性愛產生的戀情記憶在前世裡，會因同情或心軟而開始一段戀情。對於有煩惱找你傾訴、有困難找你幫忙的異性，你會想「只要我能做的到，就想盡力幫他」，而在不知不覺中將同情變成愛情。所以在今世裡，你扮演的也是一位奉獻愛情的情人角色。為了喜歡的人，你會在一旁守護著他，用你的所有包谷去愛他。就像是一位母親在疼惜自己的孩子般，對他是無怨無悔的照顧，不求回報。這樣的你和他，應該可以享受到一份喜悅與充實的感情，沉浸在愛的甜蜜中。

R21.. huh so what!!

before i start with anything, i mus once say again im 20 this yr, born in the yr of 1987...

im nt yet 21, still underage, nt of legal age.. lol.. still got a full yr then 21..

so now that u know that im young, underage, but i still manage to watch a R21 show... lol.. its for real, im nt joking.. haha went to watch The Hostel 2 with Jason today..

we went to cathay cineleisure to watch. when we at the ticket counter to buy tics, the ticket person did ask for I/C, i told her i din bring then she wants something to show my identification, so i give her my NIE student card, she see already oso din question anything.. but mind you hor, its a STUDENT card.. haha so i successfully bluff my way through...

here comes the funny part.. jason oso din produce I/C, so he shows his driving license.. at least a DL gt I/C number lo frm the number can know the birth yr n then know the person's age.. and u know what, the gal still need to count the yr lo, then still ask jason if he really is 21 le.. OMG come on lo jason 26 tis yr lo born in 1981 leh, very obvious is over 21 le, very much older lo.. lol how come the gal suspect jason but not me? lol im the one underage here lo.. Gosh!! but thanks to her poor eyesight, i can bluff my way in.. haha

so we watch the freaking not nice R21 show... all my friends out there, pls dun go watch its super sucky, i condemn it le..

the show is talking abt rich pple killing pple for fun lo, i watch halfway through the movie then get it, lol, the whole starting to mid part is super boring, nt much blood n gore..

u mus b thinking then why rate it R21 right? i tell you why..

jus because they hang a few naked bodies it is R21 le.. and of cos got a bit of sexual content lah but nt the main thing jus lightly went through only.. jus like that.. lol.. it suppose to be a bloody n gore movie which they say it.. how come so many crap.. i dun get it.. it is less than half of my expectations lo.. i expect something like Saw 3 cos they rate it R21!!!

Damn it!! the whole movie is so not nice lo.. crappy..

the only thing that im "proud" of is i successfully test the age limit system.. R21 so what! nobody stops me.. muahaha.. jus imagine jason kana suspected but im not.. sounds so crap lo i wan to laugh at the moment man.. lol.. and of cos is who i watch with makes me happy lah..

something interesting..

nowadays tend to drift away into my thoughts.. haha my brain hang liao.. lol..

saw something interesting in michelle's blog, a quote, a very interesting yet so true quote..

[If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If a man doesn't want you, nthing can make him stay.]

we often heard the saying that woman r a special creature, you cant understand what a woman is thinking.. it is hard to understand a woman..

my point is that man is also difficult to understand.

he can be so sweet n darling to you one moment but so cold at the other.. blowing hot n cold.. he also expect the woman to know him n understand him and often guys take gals for granted..

男人，自由高飞的金丝雀，紧握会勒死它，放松会失去它。
只有它愿意，才会留在你身边。

女人。
只要她认定，她宁愿死在你温柔的陷阱。

don't agree? debate with me.. lol

sianz..

nthing in particular.. jus lost of appetite tis few days..

today went to CCK polyclinic to see doc.. dun worry nthing serious in particular..

jus that my menses become so irregular n cos me to drop in weight that i think its something i mus look into.. haha although got the slim down effect but health is impt too..

went to BP Plaza Starbucks to study after i left the polyclinic..

although i dun haf any appetite, i was cooking my dinner last few nights.. haha only eat a little although its tasty, in the end my mum finish eating her share n part of mine.. muahaha..

wan to know what i haf cook right... alot of my friends r deceive by my "looks" cos i dun look like i can cook, do housework etc... why like that? hello! have some confidence in me mah! lol..

dinner for last night is Macaroni in Tomato soup base, with alot of veg too, like califlower, golden mushroom, and of cos Tomato!! with no MSG!! all natural taste.. taken a pic of what i haf cook, though it cant b compare to what chefs do, but its tasty lo.. i chop chop..

look tasty n healthy right..

张靓颖 <我们说好的>

好吗 　一句话就哽住了喉
城市 　当背景的海市蜃楼
我们 　像分隔成一整个宇宙
再见 　都化作乌有

我们说好绝不放开相互牵的手
可现实说过有爱还不够
走到分岔的路口
你向左我向右
我们都倔强地不曾回头

我们说好就算分开一样做朋友
时间说我们从此不可能再问候
人群中再次邂逅
你变得那么瘦
我还是沦陷在你的眼眸

好吗　 一句话就哽住了喉
城市 　当背景的海市蜃楼
我们 　像分隔成一整个宇宙
再见 　都化作乌有

我们说好绝不放开相互牵的手
可现实说过有爱还不够
走到分岔的路口
你向左我向右
我们都倔强地不曾回头

我们说好就算分开一样做朋友
时间说我们从此不可能再问候
人群中再次邂逅
你变得那么瘦
我还是沦陷在你的眼眸

我们说好一起老去看细水长流
去召回成为别人的朦胧

又到分岔的路口
你向左我向右
我们都倔强地不曾回头

我们说好夏天永恒 你远在风中
爱情挥霍在当时光 渐渐白之后
下一次如果邂逅你别再那么瘦
我想一直沦陷在你的眼眸
这是无可救药爱情的荒谬



［欣］体验：

你们了解吗？

听完这首歌，我有无限的感触。

情绪排山倒海的涌上我心头。

歌词是如此的有意义，带有些许的无奈，人生不也是如此吗？

曾经的种种，不堪回首。

人生因回忆而圆满，酸甜苦辣、喜怒哀乐拼凑了回忆的地图。

不可改变的往事，即使知道也不曾放手。

my thurs n fri

oh well its my holiday mah, been either slacking at hm or going out the whole day.. but the 1 week break is so short, nt enough for me, i need more days to "recharge", how i wish i do not need to work n study, haha but its nt possible lah n i dun wan to b a useless person oso, so no choice lo.. think mayb i sld change my mentality, rather than complain abt the short break, i shall b glad that at least i haf a break...

so for thurs(2/8/07) i meet up with my colleagues frm Kranji Pri Sch (KPS).. got nora, jason, esther and her 4 yr old son.. esther's son is very cute lo, when he smile got dimples oso.. super cute, very adorable.. haha i keep saying that for a lot of times that day, jus like her son.. haha.. he is very shy at first but then after a little "warm up", he become very active, running abt the shopping mall.. haha.. there is this one interesting part when esther's son n me become the characters of the bollywood movie: her son is playing hide n seek with me lah, then he is hiding behind a pillar (thank god is nt coconut tree, if nt really bollywood), so im playing with him n wan to catch him lo, looking left n right behind the pillar.. lol.. hehe he is so cute..














then esther n her son, nora and me went on to shop ard.. was a fruitful trip, everyone manage to get something.. i bought a dress.. nowadays like to wear dress leh.. moving towards to b a womanly yaxin.. haha.. 我要做一个美丽，漂亮，可爱的小女人!! muahaha...















haha im a super zi lian kuang lah.. ok fine.. haha.. anyway its been sometime since i post my zi lian zhao le.. :P

later in the afternoon, meet up with jason, was thinking all of us could meet up for tea n chit chat, but esther n nora need to leave earlier, a pity lo.. cos very diff to fix a meeting when all of us could make it.. so how? the poor jason is stuck with me again.. haha.. he has been "seeing" me for a few times in less than a wk.. so poor thing rite, guess he mus b sian liao.. well u may like my company for now but if u see me too often le oso will b sian lo.. anyway we had pepper lunch for dinner as he is crazy over it.. muahaha..




So how abt fri(3/8/07)?

haha i haf a very pack schedule for fri lo..

1.30pm: meeting friend for lunch at causeway point

3.30 to 5.30pm: meeting with nie supervisor for a post practicum conference meeting

6pm: meeting fangyi at orchard for dinner at fish n co.. oh and oso a drink at Balcony..

haha see, a pack day right.. haha dun wan to waste a single min..

anyway i bought a dress at causeway point, halter neck dress.. 很小女人喔！还有一点（好啦，很多）性感.. i jus like dress nowadays.. haha..

dinner at fish n co is nice.. love the food there.. then accompany fangyi to go n buy her watch before we go to Balcony.. we always say wan to go Balcony together, haha finally is going with her le.. the place there is nice, a nice place to chill out n chat cos nt that noisy.. fy had tequila sunrise while i had vodka.. haiz a bit no kick lo had 2 vodka but dun really feel anything, its like drinking a soft drink lo.. nvm, my intention is not to get drunk, jus wan to find a place to chat..

when i wan to take the bus 190 home, i hate it that it was so pack i miss 2 buses, the driver din even stop lo... had no choice but to take mrt home lo cos i dunno haf to wait until when then can get onto the bus.. jus nice jason ard the area oso so at least haf some1 to accompany me lo.. gosh, poor jason ar, seeing me again in less than 24hrs.. muahaha.. SIAN SIAN SIAN!! haha

好希望我是一个幸福的小女人，虽然我的个性有时有点大女人。哈哈。

我能吗？

应该可以。






［一个正在蜕变的毛毛虫，朝着亮丽蝴蝶的方向迈进。］

my new wishlist

this is the LV's Neverfull bag.. comes in 3 sizes.. how i wish i can get hold of one... think the price is slightly over $1000, although the price is reasonable lah considering its the big brand n its quality n workmanship... but then my heart pain man.. will really consider for sometime if im really going to buy it.. its so beautiful right..

Survived

haha u mus b thinking what has happened rite.. a lot of things happen, happy or sad they will be part of my memories.. anyway finally finish my practicum @ Kranji Pri.. the kids there are kind of mature despite their "tender" age.. however they r cute n adorable at times, think that i will miss them in a way...

horray.. i finally regain my freedom.. went out with marg n glen yesterday to orchard to walk ard.. haha we had dium sum at a hotel, the food there r nt too bad, then we went on to cineleisure for pool.. haha pool is great!! i will nv get tired of the game.. easily contented with simple things.. 我很好养喔.. haha

meet up with jason later in the evening at causeway point for a movie n dinner.. the simpsons is quite nice, funny.. but it was a short movie, only abt an hr plus.. so if u jus wan some laughter n entertainment, u can go watch the simpsons.. =)

nowadays too sian of blogging.. life is so boring..

The Worst Birthday Ever..

today is the worst bday i had in my 20 yrs of life.. my mum is sick again.. actually i shld say she is sick last night ard 11.20pm.. i was not afraid or traumatize cos im used to seeing the scene.. but then last night i could not help but feel helpless and lonely... the feeling rob me off.. i could not help but cry.. whats happening to the once strong willed girl yaxin? i dun noe.. mayb under a bit of stress nowadays.. but the feeling is getting stronger..

i waited for my dad to come home.. a long wait.. im sick of it.. i have seen too much hear too much experience too much.. im tired.. how i wish there is someone out there for me.. who can know how i feel.. who will b there.. i getting tired.. of all these all the feelings all the disappointment.. everyday haf to smile and sometimes put up a false front.. life is just too tired for me.. straining me..

poor jason who sms last night to wish me happy bday.. think i scare the hell out of him.. he sense that something is wrong.. but i din pick up his calls.. im sorry yah.. i jus thought i sld nt gif my friends problem.. life is jus too tired..

rise n shine.. im in sch again with only a few hrs of slp.. oh can i call it a slp? a nightmare mayb.. i cant cry at hm, i do nt wish to let my mum worry.. so how? it happens jus so nice that i breakdown in sch.. tears rolling down my cheeks, non stop, furious... how i wish i could control.. but then the poor jason is so poor thing again.. think guys jus scare gals cry lo.. once again im sorry.. my apologises for esther n chen zhen too.. guess its very easy to see im nt myself today..

thank god today my lesson planning is to let the students do some work and not conducting lessons, if nt i dont noe how to continue.. my mood affected me.. hit me hard.. im losing my control my mind my soul my everything.. sounds like its the end of the world for me.. did i jus say that?!

im nt the tan ya xin i used to be.. i feel that im changing.. nt stronger but weaker.. sinking into thoughts more often.. turning into a weakling.. is this wat i wan? NO!! i told myself im still the strong one, if i fall who is there for my mum.

who is there for me? i dun haf this kind of thoughts last time until recently.. my mind is running wild... nowadays a very simple thing can make my day, really. but this is nt the tan ya xin who used to be... i believe in what i believe... my world is shaking...

The One.. where are you?
Now i know, im jus weak, a failure in my own world.. who can i lean on?

20 yrs of life, 20 yrs of happiness, 20 yrs of love... this yr is a rough yr
did i jus mention 20 yrs? oh ya.. im nt even an lawfully recognise adult.. who am i?

This is the worst bday in my 20 light yrs.. it hit me hard.. how i wish i can ran away.. i need to escape..




P/S: thanks to all those who wish me happy bday. i din mention anything to you because im jus upset.. left speechless.. unattended.. drifting in my own world..

thanks alot...

receive a very early birthday gift frm my friends esther n nora.. i love the gift very much, its a very thoughtful gift.. many thanks to both of them..
















its a photo frame with the 4 beauties photo..



anyway i went to straighten my hair today...

Happy Birthday to Jason, Chen Zhen & Myself

once again happy birthday to Jason (11 july 1981, lol he looks younger than his age lo :P), Chen Zhen (12 july, woman's age cant b reveal.. haha)& myself (19 july 1987, lol im the one who looks older than 20)... we r all july babies!!

im very glad that i met tis bunch of pple at Kranji Pri.. hope that we will keep in contact after the practicum n work.. haha so today we jus hold a small bday party at our staff resource room (its the place where we work, haf the whole area to ourselves most of the time).. we were all very hungry..

this is our pic.. the july babies...





Jason, Me & Chen Zhen






































the 4 beauties!!

quick updates

haha im approachin the 2nd wk of my practicum in KPS.. alot of interesting n sad things happened.. cant really write much.. anyway im busy with stuff so i jus post some pics lo..




the 3 other nie trainees with me in KPS.. we haf a nice time together.. all r nice pple.. can really chat with them...









esther n chen zhen











nora n me











chen zhen n me

1st day in sch

haha.. today is my 1st day in Kranji Pri Sch (KPS)..

wake up early to prepare myself.. when i reach the lrt station i saw my classmate Wang Yun frm nie.. she oso doing morning shift.. haha she meeting nicole at the next lrt station (they 2 very gd lo at least posted to the same sch.. but nv mind, i made new friends too.. they r nice pple).. so the 3 of us ended up going to sch together, 2 of them r posted to De Lalle Salle Pri.. anyway when we reach cck mrt, i saw my sec sch friend wei jie.. he is in ns now, but he seem shock to c me ard so early in the morning.. din chat up cos i was with my friends...

i reach sch before 7am.. i thought it was still very early lo... but i was wrong man... the students r damn early before me.. i walk past the canteen to go to the general office then i saw alot of students in the canteen eating breakfast.. i was totally impressed.. how can they wake up so early in the morning n run abt in the sch like nthing.. lol.. then the funny thing is that when i walk pass the crowd of students, they were all looking at me as though im an exhibit.. lol..

anyway, after that my CT told me today dun need to observe cos she needs to do some housekeeping.. so i was free after flag raising... so i went canteen for a break with another trainee teacher Esther... haha i was buying my food then i walk off without taking my change or something.. then the canteen vendor was like shouting "lao shi lao shi" (teacher teacher).. haha cos i 1st day in sch mah plus i nt used to pple calling me lao shi so i totally ignored the aunty, thinking that she is calling another person... when i finally turn round, then i realise that all the while she is calling me.. haha.. so funny at that moment lo.. lol..

then my CT ask me to join her P6 class jus to observe her lesson lo so i gladly follow along.. haha again a grp of students greet me "chen lao shi".. i was like WTH.. lol.. feel so uneasy with the term "chen lao shi".. observing her lesson was fun n i jotted down notes on how she teaches n her classroom management.. she is a very kind n helpful teacher, she always come over to me n explain why she does certain things.. painting a clearer picture for me...

then the rest of the time i jus slack at the rm for trainee teachers... cos 1st day mah all teachers busy to clear stuff from last term.. so today is an easy n joyful day.. nt much work..

im jus excited over the practicum thingy.. haha..

delighted... thank u

i was waiting for my surprise this morning, cos marg ask me to b around at hm frm 9am to 1pm... well i knew that something is happening behind my back n its gona b a surprise... i "torture" marg to tell me more things.. she said is a delievery so i haf to b hm to sign it.. haha both marg n glen r involve in this surprise.. thanks for everything both of u do.. im really very touched..

the delievery came at ard nearing 2pm.. i got flowers frm both of them.. its very nicely wrapped up n very sweet looking.. im more than happy to sign it when it arrive.. haha.. although it is not the 1st time im receiving flowers, but the joy n happiness for this time round is jus more than any other time.. its really the thought that counts.. oh.. im jus so touched... thanks...

taken a few pics:

tis is how the flower looks like




















frm bird's eye view















then i went crazy over taking pics with the flower.. cos im a super zi lian kuang.. remember? haha...



























Oh ya.. this is the card attached to the flower...




















a million thanks again to marg n glen.. thanks for watever u haf done...

P/S: i took a total of 43 pics man! haha all is my zi lian pic.. if u think u wan to c somemore can msn me.. haha... im going crazy.. lol.. =P

that will b all for today.. tmr is a new start for me.. my 1st day of practicum.. i will post more of my happenings in sch...

Staff meeting @KPS

yo yo yo!! as u may noe already, im posted to Kranji Pri Sch for Teaching assistantship (TA)... very excited n nervous abt it.. cant imagine wat it will be like for me to b in sch... praying hard that the pple there r nice souls, hopefully no office politics... Human relations r very impt...

for this week alone, i went to KPS on 3 occasions.

Mon, 18 June: Went to meet my SCM (supervisor in sch).. He is a nice gentleman but din gif much instructions for us as the timetable n CTs are nt yet finalised... so the trip is in a sense, "wasted" but then i get to meet the pple in general office n "tour" ard the environment.. im still happy..

Thurs, 21 June: Went for Resource Development meeting with my department. thinking that i may get to see my HOD n CT.. but then its still nt finalise.. very anxious nw lo.. haha.. chit chat with the teachers in the chi dept... they r friendly pple.. feel very nice... hoping to get better with them in future.. a big family waiting for me...

Fri, 22 June: Staff meeting! this is when i get to see the principal, vice principal, and all other teachers frm the other departments... the meeting was a long one, 9am to 12pm... listening to all those agenda, feel so sleepy but cant doze off or stare in the blank, mus at least gif some respect to the speaker.. lol...

so as for today, i finally get my timetable.. i will nt be doing "floating" (a technical term lah, anyway it roughly means coming to sch late in the morning n end early in the afternoon)... im in the morning session!! which means i haf to b in sch by latest 7.10am, best is 7am in the morning!!!!! its so damn early man! i need to slp early, wake up early...

i will end work ard 1pm, but cant always go hm so early lah will paiseh one so mus stick ard til 2 to 3+ lo.. see wat i can help with other teachers...
lol i end work so early, all my friends either in sch or at work, which means even when im free i cant jio them out.. when they r off work, im tired or even going to slp so i can wake up early the next day... thats so disheartening.. =(
but then, im still excited abt going to sch.. its my first time.. lol..

anyway i will be attached to 2 CTs (my mentors) teaching P3 n P4 respectively, so i will observe wat they do in class n stuff lidat... frm our conversations, can tell that they r very nice pple...
haha u may think that every1 is nice here nice there, u so naive... lol mayb im, but i really feel they r sincere n nice.. i go to sch with a humble me, willingness to learn things n do things, i can say when im in KPS im very sincere to every1.. of cos i cant please every1 but i will try to b at peace with them...

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went over to lot1 after my meeting @ KPS... meet up with marg for lunch n pool..

we played with a grp of guys frm another table (3 guys.. haha but only 1 look cute).. the best looking n cutest of the grp plays very well, we only got 50-50 chance in winning him.. but this is the kind of joy n fulfilment u get when playing with an expert.. the best part is that he is YOUNGER than us!! lol only 18 k.. jus a JC boy.. nt like us.. feel so old liao...

18, young, cute, handsome, good-looking, well mannered... lol.. to put a term on him i will only say young boy, nt even young man lo.. think he is the kind who can attract alot of gals attention, a macho man-to-be.. haha ok lah fine i admit, at least he did attract my attention... lol with his pool skills he is perfect! however, i dun wan guys younger than me.. too bad.. lol.. =P

Random Photos

torture..

haha it seems like im nt as strong as i think (mentally n physically).. feel very sick.. think its heat stroke... feeling a bit giddy, vomitted and im a bit feverish..

think i very long never expose to hot scorching sun le thats why like that.. feeling hot n cold.. am i going to fall soon?

i decide to go buy a pendent once i recover.. as a memory.. ok i know alot of pple out there will think im nt toking sense.. nvm.. i know wat i wanted.. i wan something that will remind me wat happen..

alot of things haf been happening.. mum falling sick (back pain), my mood swings..
things i haf seen are nt wat i thought it sld be, perhaps im demanding or im jus stubborn..

mayb its jus a game of win or lose, if u could only understand me, things may jus turn out better.. u r so close to winning.. but a twist of events happen.. guess life is jus like that.. im left speechless n alone, guess i really nt someone who could read a person well.. im slow but i guess its good in a sense too.. wat i haf fear turns out to b an ironic truth.. sld i thank god for watever i see?

im a super 自恋狂!!!

wahaha.. nwadays my fave activity to kill boredom is taking pics with my digital cam n hp cam... haha.. my mum even say she thinks that i bought a digital cam is jus for me to "zi lian".. lol..

well today when i wake up, i suddenly feel like playing with my cam.. so i took my hp cam to take my natural looking face (without make-up)... haha plus i din even wash my face yet (yucks im dirty!)... im into a self-denial of nt wanting to wake up so i jus lied on my bed n play with my cam (gosh, this sounds so censored haha)...
























gosh.. i look so yucky when i jus wake up.. dark circles frm my late nite slping...

卫兰_Janice

my friends, if u like the background song from my blog, i shall tell u who the singer is........ she is 卫兰 (Janice), she is frm HK..

really love her songs, both eng or canto.. cos i could understand cantanese, i could really feel the feelings she put into the songs, making the songs "alive"... personally i feel she is better than sun yan zi, jolin, elva.. etc singers... its a very different feeling when u hear her songs compare to the pop singers, its like when u hear it u could portray a picture inside ur brain, ur emotions will be tied closely with her voice...

when i hear the songs alone, i feel very emotional.. well i can say that i can control my emotions quite well but upon listening to her songs, i really "surrender".. its like i can feel tears in my eyes.. she is cool man..

Lastly and most importantly, i mus say a great THANK YOU to my great friend Glen... he stays up late to help me download her songs... thanks!!

movie: Ocean's 13

went out today with my friend to watch Ocean's 13... the show quite interesting n oso entertaining at parts.. think the plot this time round oso nt bad.. quite worth while to go watch...

after movie went to the DFS (opp Far East Plaza) Soup Restaurant for dinner... the soup is nice.. princess piglet love to drink soup de (last time my mummy used to make soup for me)... the other dishes oso nt bad...

im going to facial with fangyi on tues!! haha i wan to b a pretty princess piglet.. then july i will go rebond my hair as a birthday present for myself... im starting to countdown for my birthday!! yippie....

Touching Story?!

i was reading my friend Michelle's blog entry...

to my dear friend Michelle: i know that u may b facing some problems in ur relationship, but i trust that u n ur partner can go through this together, wishing u eternal happiness... P/S:if u need someone to talk to, feel free to find me, any day any time...


Below is the story i read frm Michelle's blog:

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When You Divorce Me, Carry Me Out in Your Arms

On my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms. The bridal car stopped in front of our one-room flat. My buddies insisted that I carry her out of the car in my arms. So I carried her into our home. She was then plump and shy.. I was a strong and happy bridegroom.

This was the scene ten years ago.The following days were as simple as a cup of pure water: we had a kid; I went into business and tried to make more money. When the assets were steadily increasing, the affection between us seemed to ebb. She was a civil servant. Every morning we left home together and got home almost at the same time. Our kid was studying in a boarding school.

Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy. But the calm life was more likely to be affected by unpredictable changes.

Dew came into my life. It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony. Dew hugged me from behind. My heart once again was immersed in her stream of love. This was the apartment I bought for her. Dew said, you are the kind of man who best draws girls' eyeballs. Her words suddenly reminded me of my wife. When we were just married, my wife said, Men like you, once successful, will be very attractive to girls.

Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant. I knew I had betrayed my wife.. But I couldn't help doing so. I moved Dew's hands aside and said you go to select some furniture, O.K.? I've got something to do in the company. Obviously she was unhappy, because I had promised to do it together with her. At the moment, the idea of divorce became clearer in my mind although it used to be something impossible to me. However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it. No matter>how mildly I mentioned it to her, she would be deeply hurt.

Honestly, she was a good wife. Every evening she was busy preparing dinner. I was sitting in front of the TV. The dinner was ready soon. Then we watched TV together. Or, I was lounging before the computer, visualizing Dew's body. This was the means of my entertainment.

One day I said to her in a slightly joking way, suppose we divorce, what will you do? She stared at me for a few seconds without a word. Apparently she believed that divorce was something too far away from her. I couldn't imagine how she would react once she got to know I was serious.

When my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped out. Almost all the staff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried to hide something while talking to her. She seemed to have got some hint. She gently smiled at my subordinates. But I read some hurt in her eyes. Once again, Dew said to me, He Ning, divorce her, O.K.? Then we live together. I nodded. I knew I could not hesitate any more.

When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand. I've got something to tell you, I said. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the serious topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I'm serious. I avoided her question. This so-called answer made her angry.. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to Dew. With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. I felt a pain in my heart. The woman who had been living ten years with me would become a stranger one day. But I could not take back what I had said. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer.

Late that night, I came back home after entertaining my clients. I saw her writing something at the table. I fall asleep fast. When I woke up, I found she was still there. I turned over and was asleep again.

She brought up her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but I was supposed to give her one month s time before divorce, and in the month's time we must live as normal a life as possible. Her reason was simple: our son would finish his summer vacation a month later and she didn't want him to see our marriage was broken.

She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then asked me, He Ning, do you still remember how I entered our bridal room on the wedding day? This question suddenly brought back all those wonderful memories to me. I nodded and said, I remember. You carried me in your arms, she continued, so, I have a requirement, that is, you carry me out in your arms on the day when we divorce. From now to the end of this month, you must carry me out from the bedroom to the door every morning.

I accepted with a smile. I knew she missed those sweet days and wished to end her marriage romantically. I told Dew about my wife s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she does, she has to face the result of divorce, she said scornfully. Her words more or less made me feel uncomfortable.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. We even treated each other as a stranger. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, Let us start from today, don't tell our son. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for a bus, I drove to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this intimate woman carefully for a long time. I found she was not young any more. There were some fine wrinkles on her face. On the third day, she whispered to me, the outside garden is being demolished. Be careful when you pass there. On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we were still an intimate couple and I was holding my sweetheart in my arms. The>visualization of Dew became vague. On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such as, where she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while cooking, etc. I nodded. The sense of intimacy was even stronger. I didn't tell Dew about this.

I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. I said to her, It seems not difficult to carry you now. She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out. She tried quite a few but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I smiled. But I suddenly realized that it was because she was thinner that I could carry her more easily, not because I was stronger. I knew she had buried all the bitterness in her heart. Again, I felt a sense of pain.. Subconsciously I reached out a hand to touch her head.

Our son came in at the moment. Dad, it's time to carry mum out. He said. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had been an essential part of his life. She gestured our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face because I was afraid I would change my mind at the last minute. I held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. Our son came in at the moment. Dad, it's time to carry mum out. He said. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had been an essential part of his life. She gestured our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face because I was afraid I would change my mind at the last minute. I held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, as if we came back to our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad.

On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. She said, actually I hope you will hold me in your arms until we are old. I held her tightly and said, both you and I didn't notice that our life lacked intimacy.

I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my decision. I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door. I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I won't divorce. I'm serious. She looked at me, astonished. The she touched my forehead. You got no fever.. She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I can only say sorry to you, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of life, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I understand that since I carried her into the home, she gave birth to our child, I am supposed to hold her until I am old. So I have to say sorry to you. Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove to the office. When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for my wife which was her favorite. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until we are old.

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when i first read, i feel that its very touching. but when i come to think of it, i feel that i belong to the group of woman whereby i cant take betrayal... i will rather let "my husband" go than to do this... i feel that if u lost the love its forever, it will nt return to wat it used to be... perhaps im still young, still ignorant............................