today is the worst bday i had in my 20 yrs of life.. my mum is sick again.. actually i shld say she is sick last night ard 11.20pm.. i was not afraid or traumatize cos im used to seeing the scene.. but then last night i could not help but feel helpless and lonely... the feeling rob me off.. i could not help but cry.. whats happening to the once strong willed girl yaxin? i dun noe.. mayb under a bit of stress nowadays.. but the feeling is getting stronger..
i waited for my dad to come home.. a long wait.. im sick of it.. i have seen too much hear too much experience too much.. im tired.. how i wish there is someone out there for me.. who can know how i feel.. who will b there.. i getting tired.. of all these all the feelings all the disappointment.. everyday haf to smile and sometimes put up a false front.. life is just too tired for me.. straining me..
poor jason who sms last night to wish me happy bday.. think i scare the hell out of him.. he sense that something is wrong.. but i din pick up his calls.. im sorry yah.. i jus thought i sld nt gif my friends problem.. life is jus too tired..
rise n shine.. im in sch again with only a few hrs of slp.. oh can i call it a slp? a nightmare mayb.. i cant cry at hm, i do nt wish to let my mum worry.. so how? it happens jus so nice that i breakdown in sch.. tears rolling down my cheeks, non stop, furious... how i wish i could control.. but then the poor jason is so poor thing again.. think guys jus scare gals cry lo.. once again im sorry.. my apologises for esther n chen zhen too.. guess its very easy to see im nt myself today..
thank god today my lesson planning is to let the students do some work and not conducting lessons, if nt i dont noe how to continue.. my mood affected me.. hit me hard.. im losing my control my mind my soul my everything.. sounds like its the end of the world for me.. did i jus say that?!
im nt the tan ya xin i used to be.. i feel that im changing.. nt stronger but weaker.. sinking into thoughts more often.. turning into a weakling.. is this wat i wan? NO!! i told myself im still the strong one, if i fall who is there for my mum.
who is there for me? i dun haf this kind of thoughts last time until recently.. my mind is running wild... nowadays a very simple thing can make my day, really. but this is nt the tan ya xin who used to be... i believe in what i believe... my world is shaking...
The One.. where are you?
Now i know, im jus weak, a failure in my own world.. who can i lean on?
20 yrs of life, 20 yrs of happiness, 20 yrs of love... this yr is a rough yr
did i jus mention 20 yrs? oh ya.. im nt even an lawfully recognise adult.. who am i?
This is the worst bday in my 20 light yrs.. it hit me hard.. how i wish i can ran away.. i need to escape..
P/S: thanks to all those who wish me happy bday. i din mention anything to you because im jus upset.. left speechless.. unattended.. drifting in my own world..
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heya princess. your right, guys are scared of girls crying.. =3 if not, is not guy le. but your wrong when u say that u shld not give your friends problems. because thats what friends are for right? me and mag always will be there for you. no matter what it is as long as you need us. it is alright to be weak at times. because thats what those around you are for. to support you when you cannot be strong. none of us were ever meant to go through problems alone. we were never born to be that way. independence is only achieved through the strength of those around you. believe in our strength, jst as i believe in yours. jst as i know that i can count on you were i in trouble.
friends are troubled by their friends problems. but are even more troubled when their friends wont let them help. no one can be strong all the time, yvonne. please dont hesitate to ask me or your friends for help k. cause ive always seen you, me and mag to be as close as family. we cant honestly go about life obliviously if you need us.
smile, and theres nothing we cant get through right?
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