mum's sick...

i sld be studying now rather than sitting down in front of the computer n do blogging.. but i cant help it.. i cant concentrate.. i feel so weak in me.. emotions i guess... im having a test tmr afternoon... but i haven finish covering all the topics.. my mum is sick.. all the pressure that can crash me easily..

to my friends who noe me very well, my family situation etc.. my mum is nt very healthy this few yrs plus she is so pessimistic.. since when i was in my sec sch days until now.. on n off i haf to handle situations like that.. im so young but my heart is so grey.. i cant cry in front of her cant breakdown.. i dun wan to let her worry.. i mus put on a brave front i guess.. im her only daughter, i grew up with all her love n pamper.. i mus nt let her worry when she is sick..

years back i rmb her saying to one of my relatives:"my girl is so young (at that time ard 13 yrs old), if i left her how can she lives on, she dun noe how to take care of herself..." then she starts to cry.. very emotional.. but i din cry, i dun wan us to cry.. crying serves no purpose.. is nt like u cry n can get well..

when i was 13, i was once standing outside the A & E of NUH.. feeling very helpless at that moment.. but who can help me? my friends are of the same age as me, still ignorant abt life, still innocent.. or even naive... who is there to help me... cant reach my dad.. all the documents i haf to handle all the things that run through my mind.. he was only there when i haf settle everything.. i learnt my lesson well.. one can only rely on her own...

now she is sick.. it is like a vicious cycle.. its been like that.. u dun noe when it will happen.. i feel so tired after all these yrs.. i wan her to be with me... only her.. i can give up on anything...
somehow she always tend to fall sick when im having tests or exams.. when i need the time to study.. why is it so? i cant find the answer..

i need an outlet to relieve my stress.. shopping? pool? somehow i feel that the feeling is always around.. i cant chase it away.. the shopping the pool.. am i jus deceiving myself? i cant find the calm in me.. the independent me..

well guess i jus need to burn mid night oil for today n get a MC for tmr's morning class so that i haf more time to study for the afternoon test.. wish me luck!!

［欣］的感触：
人生是一条漫长的道路，不会事事顺心，一路的挑战是让人成长的阶段。承受得了，你将会成功，无惧的面对人生。失败了？很可能一生都是弱者。
我要坚强，我要独立，我不是弱者！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！